Lullaby
by 0melting.snow0
Summary: Cameron is pregnant. The problem? She isn't telling anyone who the father of her child is. Rumors. Speculations. Reproaches. It's hard to not forget the most important part in this mess. Takes place after S4.
1. Till I Collapse

Lullaby

Disclaimer: I do not own House MD or any character of this show. (Unfortunatly)

**Lullaby**

Chapter 1 – Till I Collapse

It was such a thing with secrets in hospitals. They were spreading like wildfire and there was nothing you could do against it. The only satisfaction, Allison Cameron had, was that nobody except for her knew the truth and this was something completely comforting. She could barely understand, why everything seemed to be about her. Wasn't there anything more important than her private life? First the break-up with Chase and now, when everything seemed to be so clear, everybody started speculating. Of course. It was human nature. Curiosity was after all an evolutionary imperative.

Tired she laid a hand on her by now swollen belly and looked down, unable to take a deep breath. Stunned by her own apearance. She just hoped that it was worth this whole mess. She sat on one of the empty gurneys in the ER. It was somewhat between 2 and 5 am. She didn't know, didn't care at all. It seemed like an eternity had passed since she last took a glance at her watch. Time didn't matter. Not anymore. Nurses were sneaking around her, trying to find out who did this to her. Chase from whom she walked away before she got pregnant? A stranger? Wilson who seemed to be her best friend by now? House who couldn't stand her any longer and just caved? Nobody knew and Cameron wouldn't spill. There was no need to start stirring the rumor pot much more.

It was weirdly quiet foran ER. Usually there were always noises.

In the end people got hurt always and everywhere. They stumbled over their own feet, bones cracked. Ligaments ripped. Organs failed cause of ludicrous reasons. Not here. Not now. Complete peace. A few interns were suturing some small lacerations. A little girl with a broken arm was being carried by her mother in the surgical wing of the hospital. Everwhere laid nurses and doctors in their own deep sleep, their private paradise. Cameron didn't have another choice. She just let envy roll over her. She couldn't sleep. She just had the feeling she would throw up any minute and that feeling didn't pass since the last weeks. In her breaks and at night an infusion stuck in her arm. A light version of hyperemesis gravidarum, but until now she didn't need to worry. The hydration was keeping her up in the morning. She shouldn't be here, at work. Her doctor had forbidden it, but there wasn't a better distraction and the nurses took care of her.

She let her eyes wander. It was strange. Sometimes she could feel his presence, even if he was hundrets of meters from her away, almost as if he had an aura after all. Maybe he had one. Hard to say. She shook her head albeit her naivity and stared at him, while her fingertips run over the perivpheral venous catheter in her left hand. Almost as if she had to remind herself.

He seemed to put all his weight on his cane, while he glanced into her direction. Hesitating. She knew that he didn't knew and that this ignorance was driving him crazy. But she wouldn't cave. He had to find the way through the dark by himself. This time. It was for his peace, not for hers. If he knew. If only he knew...In the end, it didn't matter at all. At least, she told herself.

There wasn't a question about what kind of father he would be. Not a good after all. He wasn't even able to take care of himself, let alone deal with some kind of twisted family. She didn't fool herself. He would try. She truly believed he would try but she was afraid to think what would happen if he'd fail.

Minutes passed and he just stared at her. She didn't have much of a choice, so she held his gaze. Her relationship, if you could call it so, was…well…kind of complex, even if 'complex' when it came to House wasn't bad after all. Most of the time.

It was the voice of a nurse that took her out of her lethargy.

"Dr. Cameron…Carcrash is rolling in. 6 victims. The surgeon's know we'll send them up as soon as possible and we've already paged everyone who's on call."

She nodded and her gaze searched for him, hoping he would be there, helping, but he was gone. Of course. This kind of situation's didn't seem to affect him. She got her hair into a loose ponytail and pulled the catheter out of her hand, grabbing a pair of gloves, right before the chaos started.

The work in the ER was, compared to the work she'd done for House, well…completely different. She had to rethink, what could kill a person first. When there was a guy with pain in his chest they first thought it was an aortic dissection, because it killed faster than myocardial infarction, even if it wasn't killing any cells.

It was about keeping the patient alive. Well, with House…It was to find a reason for some symptoms which didn't fit together. There she had to concentrate on another level, but it wasn't less satisfying.

She loved the ER. She could do good down here. Helping people. Saving lives. Without having to bend rules after her own judgement. The world wasn't turning around one person anymore. It was about helping as many people as fast as possible. It was a liberating feeling and when she got in her dark apartment at the end of the day she felt it. The burden on her shoulders subsided. Slowly.

While her hands were buried in the chest of a 19 year old girl and she was shouting orders on the staff around her, she could feel the adrenalin running through her veins. Her eyes were glowing and she felt more alive than all these years under House. She missed playing private investigator, sneaking around. To do whatever it takes to get what you want, but if she had the chance to trade this life with her current situation she was happily doing it.

It was the first time she felt it. The minute the girl got her sinus rhythm back on the EKG monitor. Well, Cameron thought it was a light kick. It felt more like a little butterfly that got lost in her belly. Not that kind you had when you were in love. Much more intense. It. The thing burried deep inside of her. She was overwhelmed from the situation and nearly started crying. She could already feel the tears. Her legs started shaking as she took a step back from the gurney. She was mumbling orders, laying one hand on her belly, not realising she was leaving bloody fingerprints on her scrubs, on her unborn child.

Suddenly everything seemed to shift out of her focus. Reality blurred. The world spinned. Doctors ran back and forth. Patients, bloody, dirty. Everywhere. Somebody said her name and she didn't realize. Of course. How could she notice such a triviality when her unborn called attention the first time? It existed. It was for real.

She didn't notice the arrhythmia from her patient. She didn't see that she was pulled away, didn't feel hands grabbing her, leading her out of the room. Everything became blurry and the first thing she realized after a while was the scream in the hallways of the ER. She wasn't in the room with the girl anymore and she didn't see her mother sobbing over the corpus of her daughter. Breaking down.

TbC

A/N: Well here I am. It seems that my English is bad, but not so bad you won't read my crap. So I hope you'll enjoy it. Love you. Love reviews. :) Thanks to moca frappalicious for betaing. Still looking for an English speaking. 


	2. Mesmerized

Chapter 2 – Mesmerized

She was sitting in her office, hundreds of charts piled up on her desk in front of her. Not just her own, god behave. For a reason she couldn't quite understand, Cuddy had forced her to do House's charting as well. If she'd refused she would just have given her this pleading look she couldn't stand. Well at least it was a good opportunity to relax her swollen feet.

Who could've known that a few pounds were able to have such an effect on her. It weren't so much after all. Just 6. She knew it was too little but her body did things his own way, didn't seem to care about her instructions.

Tired she pulled her feet under her thighs trying to find a comfortable position. Desperately. Lost in agony. Hopeless. She looked up when she heard the door to her office opening and stared a second on this well known figure, this man who was just nothing to her anymore. She gulped. How fast could she run to get away from him? Fast enough? Doubtfully.

A long moment he just stared at her form. Realization rolling over him and she asked herself how she must have looked for him. Red, puffy eyes. Her weird position. Charts. Pale blue skin. He didn't say she should go home. Why should he care? It wasn't like it was some kind of his business.

"What do you want?", she asked tiredly. This familiar tone in her voice was just visible when they were alone. Not stirring the rumour pot. He sat down on the chair in front of her desk and played with his cane, twisting him between his fingers in an agonizing consonance. She stared at him for a second mesmerized by his moving hands. It was hard to focus. Everything seemed to distract her, shook her out of her common balance.

"The truth." She knew what he was talking about but was she ready to give it to him? Barely. She wasn't nearly ready to commit it to herself.

"You have nothing to do with this thing…", she said calmly, trying to concentrate on the paper in front of her.

"You're lying…"

"Everybody lies."

When she looked up she met his eyes. Ice blue. Jade green. Forever. He was trying to read her mind but this time she didn't cave. It was best for all of them when nobody knew the truth. It would just hurt the people around her and she had hurt enough people in her life. Besides…She was so awfully tired and it was time that she would look after herself. Her own welfare.

Chase would've carried her to the end of the world, but she would've never been satisfied.

Wilson would've given her anything she ever wanted until his overwhelming love had devoured her.

House would've hurt her, ripping her apart, and she would've let it pass, until nothing of her was left.

Perhaps it was good not to rely on man, not to be addicted to them. Even if it was hard to be all alone. Like he was looking at her right now, with this piercing blue eyes which seemed to watch every single movement of her she felt naked. Helpless. Lost. If he would've been able to feel this way, perhaps…perhaps they could've…but not this way. Not with him caught in his misery.

One long agonizing night. A lot of alcohol. His patient had just died a couple of hours ago and he had the desire to go out for a drink or two. She was still upset because of the break up with Chase. Two dark and twisted souls. Alcohol. One night to forget everything. After that they should've never talked about it again. A mute accommodation.

He knew she was showing him a way out. He was still watching her face, nearly soundlessly. Even if she hadn't had a good night sleep her skin was glowing in utterly beautiful colours. Colours that didn't exist in the human world. The man, the primitive animal deep inside his throat wanted to taste her, to feel her smooth skin. He wanted to press her against the next wall and make her forget about Chase. His elaborate, cool mind would keep him in place and was taking this opportunity without a hint of a doubt. He sighed and got up, turning his back at her. At the door he stopped and turned around. Cameron was again focused at her work. His gaze stopped at her swollen belly. Greg House was a guy who would ALWAYS wanted answers, even before he knew the question…This time, the only time he remembered doing that. He couldn't care less.

Cameron looked up when the door closed and laid her hand on her belly. Tenderly. She closed her eyes and smiled slightly. She was back in university. The stages of pregnancy.

The 6th month. The foetus was opening his eyes for the first time. The hearing was developing. He was reacting to sounds he likes, as well as sounds he dislikes. He was always kicking her. Tiredly she grabbed her teacup and closed the eyes, enjoying this new feeling.

"You know the truth, don't you? But believe me…its better this way. We will be fine by our own."

She laid her reading glasses on the table and started twisting the cup between her hands. Finger nails drumming on porcelain was the only sound in the room. She was thinking. On hurt in his face when she'd broke up with him. Or when he was to scared to stand beside her after he realised what was happening to her. If he was just as afraid of the truth as she was? Nobody, except for House had dared to ask her. No friend. No ex friend.

Lisa wanted to know when she'd told her, but she was to clever to ask. Almost as if she could read Camerons mind. Maybe she could. If there existed a human that would be able to understand her at this very moment it would be Lisa. But sometimes it was better to know nothing…

A polite knock on the door brought her back to reality. When she didn't say anything the door was opening slowly. Hide? Run? No need. Wilson.

"Hey…", she said smiling.

"He…I met House. What?"

"Nothing…There are things that are none of his business…"

"You sure?", he asked silently. "Maybe he'd surprise you."

"Doubt it. You know him since forever. How can you say that?"

"I…I think I'm just defending a friend."

She nodded and looked at him carefully. The world was spinning. She didn't understand anything but Wilson's presence was some what comforting. This seemed to be the reason he was House's only friend. His emission was stunning. Such kind of inner peace she'd never seen before. No miracle that there were people who thanked him for telling them they were going to die. A sad smile was crossing her face.

"What?", Wilson asked.

"Let's grab some food. I'm hungry. It's on me…"

Wilson laughed silently. At least one friend who he didn't need to buy food for.

TbC

A/N: Thanks for all this wonderful reviews. Go on and make me happy. :)


	3. Fidelity

Chapter 3 – Fidelity

She had made her decision. Her son would be born in PPTH. In the first place she hadn't wanted it. Too many familiar faces. People she'd worked with every day. She didn't want them to see her in such a helpless position but Cuddy had promised that she could decide who would be with her in the OR.

At the age of 14 she had her first gynaecologist appointment. Her mother had forced her to go. _Discretion is the better part of valor. _That's where the doctor had told her. She would never be able to give birth to a child the normal way. Her pelvis was too narrow. Alternative? C-section. Now, 8 month pregnant she didn't have to work anymore. She just couldn't stay away, doing paperwork all day or writing reports for other departments. The only way she could refuse to think that she would be cut open in a few weeks.

She couldn't stay at home. She had cabin fever and when she was walking through her living room the baby stuff her mother had bought was scaring her to death. She'd never seen herself as a mother let alone a single mother. Responsibility for such a petite and fragile soul. It was scaring her to death.

She looked up when the door opened. It was long past midnight and she'd thought she would be alone. Most of the staff had been gone home hours ago. But now he was standing right in front of her. She couldn't imagine how she must've looked in his eyes. Pathetic – at least from his point of view. Worn out jeans, an old sweatshirt from her long gone husband and Sneakers. She was curled up on the small couch in his office. Not her best appearance but this were the clothes she'd felt comfortable in.

Why she'd ended up in the diagnostic department she didn't know. Perhaps it was just a weird habit. She had searched for something familiar and there wasn't another place in this town. She knew nobody except for the people in this hospital. You could think she would be the kind of person who was able to make friends easily but deep inside her she was insecure.

"I'm sorry, I…" Her voice seemed strange in her ears. A few octaves to high. Shaky. His presence was still able to make her feel uneasy.

"Excuses are nothing but a sign for weakness…", he grumbled.

Clumsy she sat up and noticed that he was watching her. First she thought he wanted to ask her something but he remained silent. Even after all this time it was hard to break with old habits. He hobbled slowly to his desk and sat down. The computer was switched on and the fluorescent light of the monitor was the only thing that was lightened the room right now.

She was surprised when he finally said something. It was just against his nature.

"What are you doing here?" It might have been an illusion but right now he looked at her with a softer expression, one he'd rarely shown anybody. Well, perhaps except Stacy.

For a moment she was silent and stared at him, unable to understand his existence. A kick. A smile. Realization.

„He can't sleep", she said softly and placed her hand on her swollen belly. House stared at her. She hadn't told anybody what gender this – this baby would have. Not even Foreman. It was – besides the fatherhood – the biggest secret in PPTH right now. How could she spill it now so easily? Why he couldn't see right behind her façade would stay a secret. How she could manage it to stay a secret even after all this time he didn't – couldn't – understand.

"What are you doing here?", she asked silently and tucked up her legs closer to her body.

"My patient is in coma and at night it's easier to think…"

"Do I disturb…"

His gaze was aimed at the computer monitor – stubbornly. "No…" From time to time her eyes flickered into his direction, and even though he tried to look away each time they did he couldn't and when he met her gaze he was drowning in this awfully beautiful kaleidoscope.

A smile crossed her face when she closed the eyes. Just a few minutes had passed and she was deep asleep. It seemed like his presence was making it easier for her to breathe. When he was turning to leave around 4 am she was still asleep. Curled up to a small ball she looked so fragile – innocent – that he nearly couldn't bear the thought to touch her.

Minutes passed and he was just staring at her peaceful face, before he finally laid a hand on her belly. His whole body clenched when he felt the movement inside of her. It kicked against his hand. If it would be possible he would've thought this child knew it was him.

With shock he withdrew his hand immediately and stared at the sleeping figure of Allison Cameron. He gulped. Hard. It wouldn't work. He couldn't force himself into something like that. Sighing he put a blanket over her body and left the office.

When she opened her eyes in the next moment she was stunned for a moment and barely able to move. She stared at the keyboard of her computer and couldn't look away. Her lips curled up into a soft smile when she finally was able to move. She reached out for the small object. There wasn't a question about the person who'd left it here. Nobody knew. Nobody – besides him.

House was late. Of course. Every human needed at least 8 hours of sleep. He ignored Cuddys glares and headed right to his office. He had solved his case. Of course. Nobody would ever doubt him. Or…well…At least he didn't doubt himself. He stopped at the door and was paralyzed. He stared at the small object, placed on the keyboard of his computer. He sighed. She was making it awfully hard for him. Slowly he hobbled into this direction and looked at it for a moment. He hadn't expected this from her and for a brief moment he wondered how long he would have to dance around her.

Minutes later he heard Cuddys heals clicking in the hallway and he knew it was time to hide in the ER. He didn't need long to find her. She stood right in front of an intern and seemed to explain something. When she looked up and met his gaze her hand curled up around something in her lab coat – a small blue pacifier that somebody had left in her office this morning. And she could see how his hand disappeared in his pocked. What he was doing? Apparently. He grabbed the ultrasound scan she'd left on his desk. She smiled. He nodded. She left.

TbC

A/N: Did I mention that I'm really addicted to reviews? Thanks for the support. And thanks to AllyCam from the House Board for reading it. Hope I kept the mistakes minor.


	4. Confessions

Chapter 4 – Confessions

She had the dim feeling that her feet became fatter each second. At least she was barely able to walk. Her little nudger was 8 days late. Two left until the doctor would force him into the world. She was already in hospital and now she was here – laying unable to do something beneficial. Left alone. Resigning she got up.

Nobody seemed to notice her when she left her room and started wandering around the hospital. Perhaps this was a good way to convince her son that it was time to be born. Her first trip led her to the oncology department. A woman was leaning against Wilson's chest and cried. Miserable. Cameron could see her shaking shoulders, the body which seemed to break apart at any second – bones shining right through nearly transperant skin. She bit her lower lip and asked herself how somebody could do this job when everything seemed to be about death – not life. Of course somebody had to do it, but…She couldn't have done it. She just could admire Wilson.

Chase was in surgery when she entered the gallery. He held a human heart in his hands. The fine line between life and death – so fragile. She smiled. He'd forgiven her even though he still didn't know if it was his kid. She knew she was cruel but she couldn't force herself into doing something her mind forbade her. Silently she mouthed words of forgiveness – prayed into his direction to grant it to her. A part of her had always loved him. A part of her, still did – would always do. She left him alone.

She could barely see Cuddy through the glass of her office door. She sat behind her desk, phone in the left, pen in the right hand. Another job Cameron would never be able to do. The loss of patient contact would be too much to bear. Yes, she cared to much – maybe – but the thought of losing any kind of humanity was scaring her to death. Especially because administration was never a strength of her. Cuddy seemed to fit right into this space. She loved this hospital – apparently. During the last month she'd become a very good friend. Cameron smiled.

She met Foreman in the lab. He sat hunkered over a microscope, surrounded by the new ducklings. After all this time – the discrepancies, fights and discussions – he'd became her big brother. She knew he would always keep an eye on her. He didn't show it, but after all – he wasn't House's counterpart. He was way too nice. Unseen she sneaked away.

Her feet hurt like hell, so she finally decided to get back in bed. Just a few people looked after her – interrogative. She didn't care for the looks. Finally they made the best of not knowing and it seemed like it didn't matter at all who the father of her child was.

Strangely she didn't met him when she entered the elevator. Probably he had the gift to stay invisible. A hidden curtain behind which he could hide. Just when from behind her a cane pressed hard against one elevator button she turned around shocked, meeting eyes as blue as the sky on a clear summer morning. He was leaning against the wall and stared at her. Examining. Judging. When he looked at her this way hot shivers ran down her spine. She, a grown confident woman asked herself just in this moments how much he skeeved her.

"Why aren't you in bed?"

Of course…He had to keep the edge of professionalism in the public. He wouldn't risk to get caught. Tired she leaned next to him, pressing her hand on her belly.

"I can't stay in bed all day. And some part of me hoped a little walk would convince him to put his mother out of her misery."

House wanted to say something, but there was that blockade right inside of him. Sighing he looked down at her. Blonde hair, a loose ponytail. A dark T-Shirt from The Who which he noticed from his own wardrobe. Dark pants and slippers. He grinned. So unbelievable normal. He had never ever thought he would see Allison Cameron in such a condition and he was surprised by himself that he actually liked this side of her.

He frowned when suddenly her whole body clenched and she nearly felt forward. He grabbed her arm – holding her in an upright position. A sharp pain in his thigh was the 'Thanks' for his noble act. A strange 'swash' made him looking down and he gulped as he noticed that her water just broke all over his new shoes. Karma. Why it always had to be him he didn't know. This kid could've been born anywhere – anytime. Why now? Why here? Just two floors left and they would arrive in the diagnostic department. Three until they'd reach the labor room.

Cameron looked up, holding desperately on the arm of the older one while a hard cramp shoot through her lower abdomen. When she met his gaze she knew what he was going to say and a part of her understood. Of course she did. The indescribable fear from this situation came crawling up his skin – grabbed him, never letting go. The first time for so long she decided to do something for her own luck – giving up a part of herself. Again. She laid her hand on his cheek – softly – and pulled him closer to herself, before she whispered soundless words into his ear.

The door of the elevator opened and she left it – alone. A nurse came with a wheelchair.

Hours later Cameron laid into her bed and slept. A small something laid covered in blue cotton right beside her. Both of them slept – tired after all the efforts of the day. They didn't notice the man in the room.

House stared at Cameron. Her words still echoed in his mind.

_It isn't your son. It's Chase's. _

Slowly he grabbed the chart in front of him. She'd offered him a save way out and he would be an idiot not taking this chance. Again he stared at the sleeping figures. The fingers of the baby wrapped into the night gown of his mother, while he was sucking on her small finger.

A picture made for god.

House opened the chart.

Father: unknown. At least she'd hold tight on her secret. Name: … He took a deep breath and stared at Cameron. She still hadn't moved. He could go. Still…Frustrated he thought back – his own childhood. Did he want something familiar for his child? No. Something like that you don't wish anybody. This little something had the slight chance to become happy. But he…He would destroy everything. But still…She didn't leave him much of a choice. House grabbed a chair and pulled him closer, sitting down. He stared at them.

Allison Sarah Cameron and her son, William Gregory Cameron.

TbC

A/N: Am I actually the only person who's getting annoyed with all this Huddy stuff going on? I'm afraid of watching the episode next week and everything is so…trying to find the word …frustrating. Bring back more H/C. The first two seasons went pretty fine. Why the sudden change?

R&R please. :)


	5. Pain

Chapter 5 – Pain

She stayed in the hospital for a week. Everyone had been visiting her. Everyone except for House. She was cradling her son tightly against her chest as she smiled at Chase, who was carrying her bag. She was genuinely grateful. She knew how hard it was for him after everything that had happened between them and yet he was still helping. Cuddy had put an extra 'confidential' sign on the chart of her little boy to prevent any member of the OB staff other than her attending from discovering her secret. The hospital staff only knew that this little creature was named Will.

Of course, who would think that this little boy with a mellow disposition and a cherub face belonged to Greg House anyway? Like an angel God dropped down to earth, he slept all day long, snuggled peacefully in the arms of his mother. Only when she handed him over to the arms of a visitor did he start crying. Inconsolably.

"You sure I can't give you a ride home?"

"We'll take a cab, thanks though, Rob…", she said softly and smiled.

Chase nodded and escorted her to the waiting taxi. She could still feel the gaze of some nurses on her back. It would never stop. Resigning, she looked up at Chase who simply shrugged. She had told him. Of course she had. It would've been too cruel to keep him stay in the dark. He had accepted it and decided he would prefer to be more likely than to loose her. To him, her friendship was everything. He couldn't ask for more. Not anymore. She didn't know why she deserved somebody like him in her life. A miracle.

William laid against her breast with his head buried in her shirt, hiding from the suspicious looks of the strangers in the comfort of his mother's bosom. Tenderly she ran her hand over his downy head. She was smiling when she looked at him. So impossibly proud.

"You can call me, whenever you need help, okay?"

She looked up and set him apart for a moment before she nodded slowly.

"Thank you," she murmured softly, before getting into the cab.

Chase took a step back as the car started to pull away. Cameron watched out of the window but doesn't seem to notice him, almost as if she was looking right through him. Chase frowned and turned around.

He was standing behind him, staring at the cab exiting the parking lot. Of course it had to be him. Chase had never stood a chance against this man. After all these years, House had hurt her again and again, toying with her emotions. And still after all this time she couldn't let go. Perhaps they weren't meant to be together. Sadly. He had carried her to the end of the world and he knew that she knew.

When he passed House he paused for a moment, his head held high.

"Hurt her again and I will show you what real pain is."

House said nothing and stood still. Chase thought – hoped – that House finally understood. Sighing, he went back into the hospital. There were lives he had to save.

House didn't know what he should do. He had a child. A son. And his mother was the most interesting woman he'd ever met. An enigma, impossible to describe. Frustrated, he ran his hand over his face. His biggest problem was finding the will to get over himself. He struggled to imagine that happening. But when he closed his eyes, he could see Cameron, the little guy and himself – together, as a complete family. That was…against his nature.

Just the thought of celebrating birthdays, pushing him on a swing and visiting acts in school made him afraid. He wanted to hide in a dark cave and stay there for a while, like a bear in hibernation. He smirked as he realized his son would probably be a master at playing hide and seek.

Meanwhile, Cameron arrived at her apartment. After paying the cab driver, she exited the car, carefully holding onto William's carseat. With a tired sigh, she looked at the building in front of her – her home for the past few years since coming to Princeton. She grabbed her bag and went inside. Perhaps she should move. A fresh start and getting away from House. But who she was kidding?

She placed the baby's car seat on the kitchen table and sat down across of William, ignoring the muddy footprints she'd left with her shoes.

"Your dad is a little bit…complicated", she started softly, but then stopped. She didn't want to be focusing on House right now, so she steered her one-sided conversation with Will in a slightly different direction. "Why should I do this alone, right? I'm going to try very hard, but I can't guarantee that I'll never make a mistake. A little understanding from your side would be a big help. Sometimes, when it seems the weight of everything is too heavy to carry, I might nearly fall apart. But, there's nothing I can do about that, you know? It's not like there's someone waiting here to put me back together."

She fell silent. Tears had formed in her eyes and were now rolling down her cheeks, leaving wet sparkling trails. William watched her carefully intently. He hadn't made a sound while she spoke. Her eyes were red and swollen and her whole body tense. Even though he couldn't say anything, her baby boy's icy blue eyes were making it easier. She buried her head in his belly and smiled softly when he stuck his hands in her hair and pulled at it.

A knock on her door destroyed their togetherness, bringing Cameron out of the little world in which she and Will had been. She got up and looked through the peephole. Of course it was him. Anxious not to make any sound, she stilled and hoped he would disappear. Tiredly, she laid her forehead against the door soundlessly without noticing he mimcked her gesture. Hands on either side of the door gripped the opposing knobs for several minuets. Perhaps she could end this. Cameron's fingers twisted and slowly opened the door.

Without any words to speak, she stared at him as if he was the product of her imagination. He was watching her – judging. Again. The messy hair. The red and swollen eyes. The thin body. He leaned heavily on his cane and tried to find the right words. She wouldn't help him. And he couldn't blame her anymore. A shaky voice from behind her caught their attention.

Cameron ignored House and within seconds was at her son's side. She gingerly picked him up from his seat, holding him against her shoulder, and immediately the whimpering disappeared. She turned her head toward his face and gave him a soft smile.

When she looked up she noticed that House now was standing in her living room, staring at her.

William's tiny fists were clinging to her shoulders as she gently rubbed his head.

"What do you want?"

TbC

A/N: Okay, here I am once again. xD Sorry for the delay. A big, fat **thank you** to **chicagochicklett **for beat-reading it. Sorry to annoy you sometimes. ;( Without you I would be helpless. Read and review please.


	6. Chances

Chapter 6 - Chances

What did he want? That was a damn good question. He honestly didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was that a strong inner voice had urged him to visit her, and now, standing before her, he was speechless as he realized what he had done. He stared at her, the little bundle in her arms, and couldn't help but imagine what he could have – what kind of life they could offer him.

Cameron looked at him and sighed. "Listen…we just got home and are trying to get to know each other. If there isn't anything important, please go…"

House stared at her for a long moment. Why was it so damn hard to find the right words? Usually he never had problems finding the right words; at least not when it came to work.

"I…If…" he stuttered.

"Complete sentences, House…" she pleaded tiredly.

He let out a defeated sigh. She was right. This wasn't him. And now he was standing here in her doorway, tripping over words like a schoolboy minutes before his first date. Ridiculous. That wasn't him. He felt as if she had turned him into a weak and unfamiliar version of himself. It made him angry. Her fault. Everything was her fault. It was much easier to blame her, but... he still felt his heart shifting just a bit.

"I'm not touchy or caring. I hurt the people I like," he said finally. "Wilson is the best example."

"You didn't kill Amber…" Cameron said calmly.

"But it's my fault that it happened. You can't deny that. Neither can I. When I…screw this up, I won't be hurting _just_ you. I won't be losing just _you_." He had to look away. "I lose my last chance at..." he trailed off, waving his hand in the air to fill in the words that his lips couldn't find. "And that scares the hell out of me."

Cameron stared at him disbelievingly. The funny thing was that a part of her could understand him completely. Stacy had done enough to hurt him. Betrayal by a person you love was one of the most painful feelings on earth. A fact she was experiencing right now. And....

No. She had been putting others before herself long enough. It was time. It was her turn. If she caved right now, it would be too easy for him. She saw it coming. They would be happy for a few weeks, but then he would get bored or frustrated with the baby and everything would fall apart.

The person who would suffer the most this time was obvious, and she wasn't willing to put her son through that. No more putting others first. She had to think about what was best for him. If House wanted to be there, he was going to have to fight for them and she wouldn't make it easy.

William cooed softly and pressed his head into her shoulder, almost as if he wanted to immerse himself in her scent, searching comfort. She stared at House a second. It was a mistake. One night and a stupid mistake. To build a relationship on that was way too risky; a baby was now part of their mixed up equation.

"You should go…" she said and smiled, determined to hold her ground.

"Allison…"

"I…I can't. Please. Don't force me into something neither I nor your are ready for. Not yet. I have fought too long trying to get your attention and you have told me more than once that we're not meant to be together. Now all of a sudden you changed your mind and I'm supposed to just let you into my life? Our life?" she said, nodding toward the baby on her shoulder. "If you thought that's the kind of person I am, that I would just give into you, then maybe you don't know me very well at all."

House's blue eyes stared at her for several seconds before blinking away. Looking down, he nodded his head slowly before directing his gaze to his son. For the first time in an eternity, he wanted to take somebody into his arms and now she was refusing. He supposed he deserved this punishment for denying any kind of feelings for her over the past few years.

Sighing, he looked at the pair before him and then tentatively reached out, gently placing his large hand on the downy head of the little boy. So soft.

A smile spread across Allison's face. A subtle touch could mean so much.

"Nothing will change the fact that you're his father," she started. "He'll grow up knowing that. You can have contact, as much as you want, but anything more, I'm just not ready to give. Not now."

House into her eyes. Ice blue met jade green. He nodded. With a soft sigh, he bent forward and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek before silently turning toward the door and leaving.

He had a feeling that after this agonizing year, she had finally made peace with herself and he was happy for her. But still, a part of him was jealous that she seemed to have found something he was looking for his entire life.

He wouldn't change. Deep down, they both knew that. He would always be a selfish, narcissistic bastard. He wouldn't take her in his arms when she was crying, he wouldn't say her he was in love with her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. It just wasn't him. But he would be there when he was needed. That much he was ready to give, to make the two people he cared most about at least a little bit happier.

Life was never easy and making a relationship last was even harder in this world of desperation and twisted thoughts. But maybe, he though, there would come a time when he would know it was all worth it.

----------------------------------

When the door closed behind him, Allison sat down, asking herself if she'd made the right decision. After all, he had actually opened up sincerely in front of her and that was something he'd never done before. But he had to learn that he couldn't have everything on his terms. Not after he'd left her broken in pieces.

She gently placed William down on the couch and then laid down carefully next to him, curving a protective arm around his body and closing her eyes tiredly. The little boy had just fell asleep a few minutes ago and now her own eyelids were becoming heavy.

"You know…" she whispered softly, "your father isn't that bad. He's just stubborn and doesn't know how to handle us. But if I just let him walk into our lives, it wouldn't be worth anything. Not to him. He needs to figure this out the hard way. You'll understand…someday."

House stood in front of her apartment for a long time, like some kind of stalker, and merely stared up at her living room. She hadn't welcomed him in with open arms, but she also hadn't completely kicked him him out of their lives. She wanted him to be part of her life, part of their son's life.

Their son.

It still sounded strange and foreign to him. He had seen the baby boy. He had touched him. And yet…it still felt like some sort of fantasy, maybe a dream. Maybe he would get used to it. Maybe he wouldn't. Right now, it was hard to tell. But he did have the ability to make a choice.

Frustrated for the night, he hopped on his bike. The snow-covered streets felt somewhat magical – almost comforting. If this really was his last chance, he wasn't going to let it slip away so easily.

At least he could try.

TbC

A/N: Thanks to **chicagochicklett** for beta-reading my story. :) You're just awesome.


	7. Requests

Chapter 7 - Requests

William Gregory House was a very opinionated child. He rarely laughed in public and looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his small shoulders. Nothing could bring his icy blue eyes to shine. Nothing, except for one person. When she walked into a room, the weight seemed to be lifted from the little boy. Just one look in his mother's eyes - nothing more was needed. Nobody could understand it. Nobody tried to explain. It was just a subtle connection between mother and son.

The boy seemed to know that life had never been easy for his mother and now it was his job to make her happy. And he fulfilled that duty quite well. Just a quick smirk, a slobbery kiss was enough to make her go on. Even in times when she barely couldn't stand up, he was the impulse that made her go on. Almost as he were the one holding her upright.

It was winter and Cameron was sitting in her office when he slipped in – carefully. Even before she heard his voice, she knew it was him. She could feel his presence, detect the faint scent of him.

Sighing she put her pen down and looked up at him. She knew he wanted to say something, he always did when he was looking at her like a fish on dry land. She wouldn't help him. She was sick of helping him.

"My…" he started.

Just then a young woman, whom Cameron recognized from the hospital's daycare upstairs, stepped into her office, carrying William in her arms.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Cameron. I think he's got a fever and he threw up a few minutes ago," the woman explained.

Cameron took her little boy in her arms and nodded with a quick and quiet, "Thank you."

When they were alone again she sat down and stroked the sweaty curls from her son's forehead. She smiled gently as he buried his head in her chest and closed his eyes, tiredly.

"We'll go home in just a minute, sweetheart…" she whispered soothingly when his small hand grabbed her blouse.

When House cleared his throat she was brought back to reality. She looked up and watched him carefully, pulling the little boy closer to her body. There were times when she felt helpless when he was around. To be honest, he was still able to scare the shit out of her.

"What did you want?" she asked calmly but with a sigh.

"My parents…they know about him and…they would like to meet him…"

"You told them?" she ask incredulously.

"It was time…" he mumbled looking down at the floor.

She didn't know what to say to him. Around the hospital everybody knew William was his son, but they knew better than to gossip about them in the open. Nobody spoke about them. People who didn't knew them, didn't need to know. Her parents didn't know who the father of her son was, nor did her siblings or friends. She liked it better that way.

William looked up when he heard House's voice. Silently he watched the face of the stranger, who appeared from time to time in his life. He didn't know who this man was, but whenever his mother talked to him, he could sense that something was wrong.

Losing interest in the stranger, William turned his head back to his mother, inhaling her warm scent. "Mommy…"

Smiling, she caressed his back and told him they'd be leaving soon, before turning back to House.

"What do you expect me to do?" she asked civilly.

He actually looked timid, with fear in his eyes. "I want them to meet you…meet…him."

Cameron found it hard to suppress her rage. Over the last few years he hadn't even tried to be a father to his son. But she could live with that – she'd accepted that. She didn't want him in her life because he wasn't even able to take care of himself and she didn't want William to get hurt. Yet, suddenly, when the great Greg House thought it was time to show off his son, she was supposed to oblige.

"Allison…" he started, before her anger could take off.

"Don't…just…don't say anything…" she said with a cold but quiet voice as she held onto William tightly and used her free hand to collect her belongings.

She got up from her desk, holding William and slinging her bag over her free shoulder, and headed for the door. But as she tried to walk past him, he grabbed her upper arm and turned her back to face him.

"Allison…he's my son," he said softly but firmly, staring into her eyes.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. His words were so arrogant that something inside her just snapped and she lost her composure.

"He's your son? You have no right to… Where were you? When have you ever visited him or bought him a birthday gift? Where were you when he was crying, sick in bed with the flu? Where were you when I felt lost and overwhelmed by the pain buried inside me? You were just lost in your own self-pity. Oh, poor Greg is miserable, is in pain. You're pathetic. You don't seem to realize that other people are in pain too. Pain you just can't bear."

Cameron realized she couldn't be doing this in front of will. She needed to get him home.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she regained her composure.

"You don't have the right to ask me for anything. Not anymore," she said in quiet but firm tone.

House stared at her fragile figure, speechless. Of course he'd seen her angry before, but he'd never seen her acting like this. Even though he knew she was not as naïve and weak as he had once believed, he was still surprised how firmly she was holding her ground.

But in all honesty, she was right and he couldn't deny it. He'd tried to, at first – deny that she was right. He really had wanted to be a father, but that didn't matter because he'd failed, again and again. After so many setbacks he did what he always did best – withdrew himself from any chance of finding happiness and was now left with misery as his most loyal and only companion.

No girlfriend, no son. The family he could have had slipped through his fingers because he'd let it happen. God, he was an idiot.

He looked her in the eyes. God, he'd always loved her eyes. Shades of light blue, green and liquid amber. The soft smell of the child filled his nostrils. He almost smiled. His son. His girl. What could have been his family.

He decided he couldn't give up just yet. "Please…" he whispered, hating that he had resorted to begging. "My mother would love to meet him."

He didn't know how long he had to hold her cold stare until she caved.

After what seemed like several long minutes, she sighed. She hated the part of herself that still couldn't let go of him. He was like a chronic disease – the symptoms just didn't want go away. She could treat them, but still…the disease would always be there.

"You can bring them on Sunday evening to my place. Six o'clock. Will goes to bed at seven," she said sighing.

Then he did something that made her strong façade crack. He slowly leaned against her and dipped his head to kiss the forehead of his son before quickly turning to leave.

Without a word she stared at him and kept her gaze on the doorway after he left her office. The words of goodbye still close to her ears. Sighing she strengthened her grip on Will and carried him out with her, finally leaving for the day.

TbC

Thanks to **chicagochicklett** my beta. Without you I wouldn't be able writing this. Thank you so much!


	8. Defenseless

Chapter 8 – Defenseless

Sometimes it was hard being the better person. This was something Allison Cameron had to learn very early in her life. She didn't know where this idea – inviting his parents for dinner – came from. A miracle. Not even him, her son's father, had ever been in her apartment. As odd as this whole thing seemed to be. The sound of wood that knocked at wood brought her back to reality. She slowly cut off the stove, threw her apron on the table and opened the door. He was alone and she didn't ask when his parents were going to come.

"You're early…", she said silently, dismissing him.

Even after all this time there was still this strange tension between them. They could've been soul mates if he just would've let it happen. He hobbled after her, looking around, searching.

"He's in the kitchen and helping me cook…"

What she meant by this, he saw when he entered the kitchen. William had knocked over the flour and had become a small snowman. Carrot mash was all over his face and his wide awake eyes were transfixed by every single movement around him. Ice blue curiosity.

"Do you want me to stay awake all night, honey?", Allison asked her son reproachfully and lifted him out of his chair, before turning back to House. "You can cook, or bath your son. Choose."

He looked back and forth between stove and son, before grabbing the little boy from her arms. Cameron couldn't help but smile weakly, turning back to her task.

Was this the way it could be? Snapshots of an almost normal family life. Sighing she brushed a wisp of hair out of her face and closed her eyes tiredly. The stabbing pain in her head which seemed to never leave her alone was gnawing on her senses. Sometimes it was more than she could bear. Other times she couldn't even get out of bed. She did just for William.

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes and Blythe and John House were standing in her living room, greeting her stiffly. She brought them some drinks and prayed to god House would show up right now. Almost as if he had sensed her insecurities he walked into the room, his son curled into his chest. His cane laid abandoned in the kitchen. The sight of them was just unbelievably cute. His clothes were soaked, there were water drops even in his hair…and William? He had buried his head in the neck of his father, smiling slightly.

"He won the fight…", House said dryly, giving the child to Cameron.

"He always does…", she replied, smiling.

The tense atmosphere between them didn't go unnoticed by his parents, because Cameron caught them exchanging a knowing look. They didn't say anything and the young woman thanked god for it. Sometimes there was just nothing left to say.

The dinner went by surprisingly well. Blythe House fell directly in love with the little boy and even if he thought nobody would see it, the smile on Colonel House's face didn't go unnoticed by Allison. Greg talked the whole time with his mother, turning from time to time to Cameron – looking grumpy as ever. Perhaps it was his way of showing his parents and her that she didn't mean anything to him. She didn't know, caring less. After all she'd given up hope a long time ago.

"I really hope we'll be able to see our little bundle of joy again…", Blythe said smiling when she handed him to his mother.

"You can visit him whenever you want."

Blythe nodded and John looked at her thankfully when they separated. Sighing Cameron got up, taking the little boy to bed, without waking him. She didn't notice House standing in the doorway, watching her, mesmerized by the softness with which she was handling this small creature. The love she felt for him seemed to be so deep, so profound, that it was scaring the hell out of him.

When she came back into the living room she watched House standing by the window. He didn't seem to be looking anywhere – unable to.

"He's asleep…", she mumbled silently.

"Good…" He nodded. It seemed as if he wasn't interested at all.

Unsure, she stood in front of him, trying to understand his motives, his existence and everything that was just him. Wondering if he hated her because she gave birth to her son, confronting him with something he never wanted to be – a father.

The lights in the living room were flickering. Once. Twice. Darkness. Blackout.

Deep in thought he turned round, facing her, watching her face in the moonlight. Sometimes she wished she could just take a look into his head – just to understand him. His thoughts. His feelings. His wishes.

"You will never be able to love us, will you?"

"No", he mumbled. "I'm just going to hurt you."

She nodded and there wasn't a cell in her body which didn't believe him. Still…

"But…What about me trying to…"

"Don't…"

His voice was just a whisper.

"Why?"

"We wouldn't survive it."

Her eyes sparkled in a color that he couldn't describe. He stared her down and her hard gaze was making him feel uneasy. There seemed to be nothing she regretted in her entire life. No action, no decision, nothing. Not even her son, even if he was glaring at her each and every day – reproachful. She was facing everything and this strength he seemed to notice the first time – ever. He was so proud.

His lips were rough and his stubble would leave many red scratches on her flawless body. Everybody would see it the next morning, a few would know the meaning. After all they were both way too damaged to handle an intact relationship, but maybe that was what they needed. A person as incapable as the other. Interwinded limbs. Sweat. Rumpled sheets. Lust.

Allison Cameron hadn't felt so alive in an eternity.

TbC

A/N: A big *thank you* to **angelaalex** from LJ for beta reading my stuff. You're the best. *hug* 3


	9. The Beginning of We

Chapter 9 - The Beginning of We

When she woke up the next morning he was gone. Of course. Where else would he be? In bed next to her? Ridiculous. That would leave the possibility that he actually felt something for her. Clumsily she pushed the sheets away and stumbled into the nursery. William greeted her with wide-awake eyes and she thanked god that her son already knew how to busy himself to grant her a few more hours of sleep.

"Your father is an idiot…", she mumbled when she lifted him out of his bed.

Unsure she looked around his room pressing the small body closer to her. Slowly she sat down and took of his pyjamas. Smiling, she placed a soft kiss on his naked belly. Will laughed and grabbed her mother's hair, pulling her closer.

Allison fell back and smiled when he burrowed his body into her chest.

"As long as you're here everything is okay…" she mumbled silently while pulling a sheet over them.

She loved this kind of closeness with her son. Just the both of them. They must've fallen asleep again because the next thing she heard was the front door opening and closing. Irritated she sat up, but the abnormal footsteps approaching down the hallway calmed her almost immediately. She fell back and watched the sleeping face of her child.

"You know you can sleep in bed, don't you? It's way more comfortable."

"I've heard that before…"

"Breakfast?"

She looked up and noticed the bag in his hand and the smell of fresh biscuits. She wanted to say something, she really did. Try to explain that this simple gesture meant everything to her. But she closed her mouth and nodded.

After she'd dressed William she came into the kitchen to find the table already set. She sat down her little sunshine and seated herself at the free chair next to Greg. If something like 'family' actually had a smell it had to be the one that was actually infiltrating her nostrils. When she looked up from her plate she saw him watching her. Ice blue met jade green. A smile was crossing her face and his intense stare had her turning her face away in shame. When she caught him smirking triumphantly, she actually threw one of the biscuits at him.

"Hey!"

"Don't make fun of me…"

"Don't hit the cripple!"

House laughed and grinned at her while William attracted attention to himself when he knocked over his father's coffee.

"Fuck!"

It was Allison's turn to laugh.

House watched his son, frustrated, and rolled his eyes while blue crystals watched him challenging. Will was already so much like him. Scary. House didn't want to think how it would be when he was in High School. Shuddering he remembered his time. He had to tell Allison or she would have a mental break down when Will got there, exactly like his mother. Sighing he grabbed the apple purée and for the first time since Will's birth, Greg started to feed his son.

"Dadda…"

The little boy happily patted his father's stubbly cheek and smiled. House was stunned for a moment and looked at Cameron, who could only smile. It wasn't like there was anything left – he could only surrender. These people didn't leave him much of a choice.

When he entered the hospital hours later with Allison by his side and his boy in his arms, he felt the eyes of the staff on his back. Frustrated, he pressed the button of the elevator impatiently with his cane, before he turned to his…his…Allison.

She still looked at him the same way. Like he could disappear any time – leaving them behind. Again. Why did she let him in her life if she thought she knew him so well?

"I don't understand…" he said calmly.

"Strange. You're the one who always understands everything. I thought you've already seen through everything", Allison said.

"Enlighten me princess," he snapped.

She smiled.

"Just the fact that you want to try and tell your parents about him is giving me hope that there's something left. I never wanted anything from you during the last two years. Now I know that I don't need you to survive. William and I are fine all by ourselves. This assurance was important to me, Greg. And now you know that not everybody who actually means something to you is running away. We've always been there. You always could come, even if you screwed up. We always let you into our lives – open minded. We gave you forgiveness and after you came back in the morning you showed that you're ready to take the risk…"

She smiled when the elevator came to a stop and got out. She kissed her son's mellow cheek and his father's scratchy lips.

"The daycare is at the 7th floor. I cook in the evening so don't be late."

The doors closed abruptly and left a dumbfounded House behind. He blinked and watched the beautiful face of Allison Cameron disappear. His gaze traveled down to the little human on his left arm who was watching him happily. He rolled his eyes and pressed the button for the 7th floor. Daycare.

The End

A/N: Thanks for reading! I really do hope you enjoyed it.

A special **Thanks **goes to my new Beta Ekta! You're awesome! *huuuuuuuuuug*


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